Creative Writing: Poems (Wacky)

From Caleb, age 10, Homeschooled, Winona Lake, Indiana, USA

Old Mother Hubbard
got stuck in a Cupboard
and couldn't even feed her dog a bone.
But when Mr. Mother Goose let her out of the Cupboard
her dog was as dead as a stone.
Old Mother Hubbard couldn't keep up with the bills.
Her Bills
were as big as the Hills.
Then the old lady had to go to debtor's Jail
where the food's really Stale!

Some Eskimoes ate some
plus some gigantic Oreos
and don't forget those frozen toes
they started to Buldose
a little fire Hose
they lighted some dynamoes and
then they Froze.

Once there was a girl named Kate
she wanted to Inflate the Chief of State
and Terminate the owner of Colgate
she was going to Assassinate
her fishing Bait
and she turned into a Crate.

Once there was a great Dane
from Ukraine
he didn't have a Brain
actualy he had a brain but it was a Birdbrain
he was: Insane
in Vain!
he liked to eat acid Rain
and a candy Cane
but then he went down the Drain.

My Christmas list: I Want
a Caffeine-free
Christmas Tree
an Off-key
and a VOP*
from Tennesee!
*(VOP--very old person)

What would happen if.....
Tinker Bell was in the NFL?
Paul Revere was a Racketeer?
A Cow joined a Powwow?
Saint Jude was tattoed?
Uncle Sam was born in Amsterdam?
Daniel Boone went to Neptune in a Pontoon?
A Cadillac had a Heart Attack?
Apostle Paul played Baseball?
An Oldsmobile did a Cartwheel?
A Chipmunk knew how to Slam Dunk?

Huckleberry Finn's identical Twin
named Rumpelstiltskin
pushed a saftey Pin
into a Violin
time and time
Again he was as guilty as Sin
his mother thought he needed some Discipline
so she stuck him in the trash Bin
and that's the En'!

A Spaceship
landed in a bowl of chips and Dip
those aliens don t got no good Sportsmanship
they poured postnasal Drip
all over the chips and Dip. : >

Sooner or Later
you'll find an Alligator
in an Elevator
so be ready! call an Exterminator
or an Assassinator
but I know an Aligator
who's a good roller Skater so call an agitator.

I want to buy a Lampshade
for my Band-Aid
so I can drink Lemonade
in the Rose Parade
it'd be funny if you put a Grenade
in some Gatorade!

Happy National Nothing Day!
Don't eat no vitamin A!
Don't go to ballet!
Don't eat no Milky Way!
Don't play with your pet Stingray!
Don't ride on the Subway!
It's National Nothing Day!

One There Was a Girl Named Kate Part 2
She called the fire Station
because she blew-up the Nation
cause she hated Multiplication
then she kicked a Dalmation
and then she got 'madder' cuz she mis-spelled 'pronounciation'
so she took a vacation
but then she started dehydrating for no reason.

Once There was a Girl Named Kate Part 3:
She left her brain in the Pentagon
so she conquered Babylon
accident so she started to mow the Lawn
then she blew-up Iran
and she turned into a Leprechaun
so she talked in a talkathon
and she swam in the Amazon
and she drew a 16,000 sided octagon
and at the crack of Dawn
she changed her name to Saskatchewaningelder
then she was long Gone.

Smokey the Bear
was once a Millionare
but he gave all his money away to health Care
now he can't even buy his own Underwear
' This is a total NIGHTMARE!'
said the Bear.
' This is so UN-FAIR!!!'
so then Smokey the Bear
moved away and now he's an old hermit somewhere
so the moral to this poem is:
DON'T PLAY WITH MATCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Copyright May 2000, Kids on the Net and Caleb